Thursday, July 15, 2010

T minus 2 days..!!! Did I hear that right??

Yes! I leave Sunday...yeah this Sunday...so there's tomorrow, the day after that and then the next day I leave...!!!!

huh yeah I'm kind of really freaking out. Thank goodness for all of my friends who are calming me down. My old supervisor Jess in particular reminded me of how at this point it is pretty normal to be freaking out - I relaxed for about oh...2.5 seconds and then proceeded to freak out but in a healthy way : ) I feel like I have done a pretty good job of keeping my composure thus far but I am starting to stress pretty good, I'm pretty sensitive today haha my mom keeps asking me to do stuff to get ready for my going away party tomorrow and I got upset because I'm freaking out of course and had to leave so I could cry it out a bit to refocus. And now I am back to being happily freaking out : )

It's so surreal right now...I have a lot to do to get ready but I don't at the same time. I am stressing about stuff but in days that will all just melt away because I am going to be in Africa! I still cannot believe that it is actually happening. I remember when I went up the Peace Corps table to ask the people what is was all about and found out that it actually didn't have anything to do with the military HA! Then talking to the recruiter at CSU who was super nice and told me all about her experience...finding out Jen Johnson (CSU Alt Break Coordinator) had gone which made it that much cooler...making the decision and submitting my application...going to my interview dressed business casual and they were in crocs...getting my medical packet...getting my phone call and invitation to serve and now...now it is 2 days before I get on an airplane and go do what I have been planning and talking about doing for the past year! How does someone even handle that?!

Happy tears accompanied with a happy dance I think will suffice!

I'm going to miss hot showers. Being the wise person that I am I have been gorging on sugar and fat infused foods over the past few month that I am pretty sick of them now and will not be missing them very much..or at least for the next two weeks. Same goes for my family haha ok just my mom hahaha but I love her and all of them so much and I will miss them. I will miss all my friends too, I love them all So much. My dogs, Colorado sunrises, the mountains..I know this will all be here when I get back though. And I know that I will make more friends, they will become family too and I'll find beauty in the sunsets of Madagascar.

I am so unbelievably happy with my life

I'll take the partially shady past, the broken hearts, the fly-shit that annoys me and yes I will give up computers, internet, cell phones, electricity, running water and luxury...I've done this and more and I will continue to knowing that I am doing exactly what is making me happy. That I am going to see the world, see it in ways I cannot predict. I am going to be part of something that is so much bigger than me and so important. Never again will I be the same person as I've been before Sunday. This is going to be...I don't even know how I could put a word to it...it's going to be the Peace Corps!!


(Pause for dramatic effect)


Needless to say, it is getting kind of heavy. I switch from excited to anxious every five minutes and somehow both at the same time. I am picking and choosing what to take with me for the next two years, donating a quarter of all my stuff and packing the rest away into storage. I'm taking books on meditation, it is the closest to religion/spirituality I have gotten and hope it will help me when I need to breathe. I am leaving my most prized possessions to stay safe at home. I keep playing with a lip ring that isn't there and I am getting used to the cheapo earrings that feel nothing like the ones I have worn since I had my ears pierced.

I feel like I am focusing a lot on what I am letting go...which I think is fine and normal but I am going to have to switch it soon and I'm thinking that will happen without me even noticing.

I keep reminding myself:

I applied only after I knew I was committed for the two years

The Peace Corps invited me to serve

I am strong and I can do this

Emotional roller coaster is normal during a transition period

Everyone will be fine while I am gone

"Remember happiness is a way of travel, not a destination."

"The only constant is change."



**Found out that Madagascar has one of the highest rates of volunteers extending their service